Spoon Theory and Neurodivergence: Why Does Your Energy Run Out So Quickly?

So, with spoon theory explained, what isn’t it?

Spoon theory is not a clinical measurement or diagnostic tool. Not everyone identifies with it, and people can experience it differently. 

How does spoon theory relate to neurodivergence?

For the sake of brevity, I will explore how ADHD, autism and AuDHD can affect the energy needed for everyday activities. Spoon theory and neurodivergence isn’t a one size fits all situation. Neurodivergent people aren’t all the same, meaning that the following are examples of what can exhaust a neurodivergent individual; and they aren’t exhaustive.

Autism

• Masking or adapting behaviour to fit expectations.

• Changes to routine and unexpected demands.

• Processing information and transitions.

ADHD

• Executive functioning and task initiation.

• Planning, prioritising and organising.

• Switching between tasks.

• Managing distractions and interruptions.

• Regulating attention and emotions.

• The effort involved in trying to maintain focus.

AuDHD

For those of us with both ADHD and autism, demands of ADHD and autistic traits can be conflicted.

For example:

• Wanting routine but also craving novelty.

• Wanting to start something but struggling to initiate it.

• Seeking stimulation while also becoming overwhelmed by it.

• Wanting social connection but finding social interaction exhausting.

Neurodivergent energy management can be impaired further by traits like hyperfocus which may lead to food, hydration and rest being forgotten about. Some neurodivergent people have a dogged work ethic and depending on their employment situation this can be taken advantage of, as they try to navigate a world that just isn’t built for them.

People with epilepsy may also need to be particularly aware of factors that affect their energy and wellbeing. Sleep deprivation, for example, can trigger seizures in some people, although triggers vary from person to person. It’s another reminder that managing energy isn’t simply about feeling tired; for some people, it can have wider implications for their health and safety.

Why does neurodivergent energy deplete so quickly?

What seems simple to some, can be disproportionately harder for others. There is a difference between the visible activity and the invisible work happening alongside it. And it makes itself known in terms of cost.

For example, going shopping might involve:

• Planning what to buy.

• Remembering what is needed.

• Navigating transport and parking.

• Processing lights, sounds and crowds.

• Making decisions.

• Interacting with people.

• Coping with unexpected changes.

• Putting everything away afterwards.

The shopping itself might take 30 minutes. The preparation, processing and recovery can take much longer.

Other examples:

• Attending a meeting.

• Answering emails.

• Making a phone call.

• Going to a social event.

• Managing a busy household.

• Switching between work tasks.

• Dealing with unexpected requests.

Some neurodivergent people script conversations and rehearse them before they venture out. If they don’t go as anticipated, it can be more exhausting. Then there is the general anxiety – that builds and builds whilst burning through energy. If it comes to a head in a panic attack, then that is an enormous amount of physical energy spent. There is a cognitive load, sensory load and even the most benign of tasks tend to involve emotional labour.

Seemingly simple tasks can sometimes feel disproportionately exhausting, which is currently resulting in a daily battle with myself to find the energy to floss and brush my teeth. A non-negotiable for me, and it probably sounds silly to those who don’t have to monitor their energy, but it’s a real struggle.

What does neurodivergent exhaustion look like?

It might be a case of semantics but I believe there is a distinction between everyday depletion and burnout. Neurodivergent exhaustion can take many forms and there may be other signs that it is happening but here are some general symptoms to look out for:

Everyday signs that your spoons are running low

• Finding it harder to concentrate.

• Becoming overwhelmed by ordinary demands.

• Increased irritability or emotional sensitivity.

• Struggling to initiate tasks.

• Needing more quiet or time alone.

• Finding decisions increasingly difficult.

• Reduced tolerance for sensory input.

• Feeling unable to switch between activities.

• Needing longer to recover after social interaction.

When exhaustion becomes something more

Ignoring these everyday signs is never beneficial and was something I learned the hard way, like a lot of neurodivergent folk do… They build up gradually until you can barely get through a day.

Autistic burnout symptoms can involve:

• Profound physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.

• Reduced capacity to manage everyday demands.

• Increased sensory sensitivity.

• Difficulty with communication or processing.

• Loss of previously accessible skills.

ADHD burnout is a term commonly used to describe exhaustion associated with sustained demands, compensating for difficulties, repeated overwhelm and the effort of managing life with insufficient support. Autistic burnout and ADHD burnout shouldn’t automatically be treated as interchangeable although ADHD burnout symptoms can overlap.

ADHD burnout isn’t currently recognised as a formal standalone clinical diagnosis. Some people with ADHD also experience difficulties switching off, settling their thoughts or getting restful sleep, even when they’re exhausted.

Persistent or unexplained fatigue can have a range of physical and psychological causes, so it’s important not to assume that every experience of exhaustion is burnout. If fatigue is ongoing or concerning, seeking appropriate medical advice is worthwhile.

In my case, I’d had laryngitis, an ear infection and pneumonia yet repeatedly tried to go back to work. I had two jobs at the time (one was full time), was living alone and had no idea that I was either ADHD or autistic. After repeatedly trying to get back into my old routine and having additional symptoms like dizziness, digestive issues, constant ringing in my ears, being too tired to sleep and unrefreshed on the minimal sleep I was getting, I discovered that trying to push through was only making me worse.

I was really ill and after a few failed phased returns, got diagnosed with chronic fatigue – CFS/ME. Or yuppy flu as it is sometimes unhelpfully known as! CFS/ME is distinct from neurodivergent burnout but I suspect they overlapped in my case. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, I had no energy left to do even the most basic of things.

What happens when the cutlery drawer stops working?

Well, for me, I got signed off work and went back home. There I realised exactly how ill I was but still found this invisible disability hard to accept. The vibrant woman that used to go on jive weekenders and dance all night had left the building. I couldn’t walk down the driveway without being ill. Energy management was completely new to me, and I was told to do graduated exercise. I tried to push that too. It didn’t work and was then told to just potter around the house if I was up to it.

I spent a few months in bed. Even sitting up in the lounge was too much. Chatting gently with much loved family was appreciated but left me wrung out. Bed was the best place for me. Craving to be out in nature but not having the confidence in my body to make it outside, I lay there dozing as drivel on the TV gave me some background noise when my brain couldn’t cope with complete silence.

I don’t know what drew my attention to it, but there it was. A tiny wren. Hopping on my windowsill, inspecting the curtains! It was almost as if nature came looking for me because it knew I couldn’t go looking for it. I savoured that moment.

That’s part of my experience but it differs for everyone and is probably why managing neurodivergent overwhelm is so difficult.

I experience it differently depending on the situation too; sometimes I have energy, but not the capacity or mental resources required for a particular task. At other times – like right now, I have the mental energy (sort of, maybe the motivation is more accurate) to do a task but my body is objecting very loudly. I can’t tell you how long it’s taken me to write this blog, after several arguments with myself about dental hygiene over the last few weeks. My everyday routines are harder to access, but just so you know, I still brush my teeth – it’s a rule after all!

Sometimes the things that help me reset are inaccessible to me and/or my usual recovery strategies aren’t working.

Energy management isn’t simply about prioritising better.

Sometimes:

• There are too many demands.

• There aren’t enough resources.

• Other people don’t recognise the invisible work.

• The environment creates unnecessary barriers.

• You don’t have enough control over your time.

• Rest is difficult to access.

I think it is important to challenge the idea that people simply need better time management or more discipline. I feel guilty and lazy for having to reduce my output, especially when inputs are so overwhelming. I’ve been particularly “rubbish” on social media of late. Just one of the things that had to give, despite enjoying my routine of posting daily and interacting with other people on there.

But look at the language I’m using! I wouldn’t say any of that to a friend. And perhaps that is rather the point. A little self compassion and care goes a long way in firstly, keeping burnout at bay, and secondly, allowing recovery.

Easier said than done, and if I can’t give myself that compassion, then how can I expect empathy from a stranger who may not understand or recognise that someone has an invisible disability?

How can neurodivergent people manage their energy?

The following is not another list of things you must get right, it is merely a collection of practical suggestions that might be advantageous to be aware of.

Understand your own energy patterns

• Notice which activities drain you.

• Recognise which activities restore or sustain you.

• Consider the hidden costs of everyday demands.

Reduce unnecessary demands

• Simplify routines.

• Reduce sensory overload where possible.

• Break tasks into manageable steps.

• Allow for transitions between activities.

Make adjustments

• Flexible working arrangements.

• Written rather than verbal instructions where helpful.

• Quiet spaces.

• Reduced interruptions.

• More control over working patterns.

Allow for recovery

• Build in breathing space.

• Recognise that recovery may take longer than the activity itself.

• Avoid assuming that a day off automatically restores capacity.

Ask a different question

Instead of always asking:

How can I get everything done?

Try:

What would help me not have to keep doing things this way?

That is a very important distinction.

What about preventing burnout in high-pressure jobs?

Preventing burnout isn’t solely an individual’s responsibility. Employers and organisations have a role in creating environments that don’t continually exceed people’s capacity.

As part of my neurodiversity and inclusion work, I suggest having conversations with employers (if you’re comfortable disclosing) along these lines:

• Identifying sustained demands before they become overwhelming.

• Reasonable adjustments and workplace support.

• Managing sensory and communication demands.

• Clear expectations and realistic workloads.

• Autonomy and flexibility.

• Recognising that individual coping strategies cannot compensate indefinitely for an unsupportive working environment.

Nature, recovery and positive psychology

Now we move from understanding the problem towards exploring what contributes to wellbeing.

I have been told that I am a natural positive psychologist, and I am now studying it. Positive psychology explores the conditions and experiences that help people flourish. It isn’t about forced positivity or pretending difficult experiences don’t exist.

One of the paradigms used is PERMA:

For me, nature and creativity are integral to my wellbeing. For those of you that know me, my best friend is a completely wild fox. I might well be struggling more than usual because he is off on important fox business (not blaming him, just missing him!) and I haven’t seen much of him lately. Spring and summer saw us spending hours together, just lazing around to the untrained eye. His presence actually helped me regulate.

Whether you have any wildlife companions or not, you could try the following:

• Noticing seasonal changes.

• Watching wildlife.

• Finding moments of curiosity.

• Enjoying small experiences.

• Connecting with something beyond the demands of everyday life.

Click here to visit Moments of Calm.

Nature isn’t a cure for burnout, and it doesn’t replenish everyone’s energy in the same way, but it’s worth exploring. This type of active rest, whether it is noticing nature, doing something creative or something else that brings you joy is important for your nervous system. I know many neurodivergent individuals who don’t find just watching a programme they enjoy restful, but watching the same programme and maybe colouring in at the same time can benefit their energy.

Nature should be accessible to everyone

I have long believed that nature connection should be available in different ways, not just to people who can get outside and explore.

You can watch wildlife from a window, notice birds in the garden, explore nature through photographs or enjoy a little wildlife discovery from your sofa – more on the latter later.

Sometimes you might not know where to start when exploring nature, which is where my journals come in. The majority of them are there:

• To encourage noticing and curiosity.

• To offer opportunities for reflection.

• To help people pause and reconnect.

• To provide activities that can be approached at their own pace.

• To create opportunities for enjoyment rather than another achievement to chase.

Nature connection doesn’t have to mean:

• Going for a long walk.

• Visiting a nature reserve.

• Being physically active.

• Having access to a garden.

• Having lots of energy.